No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
