I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
