How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
