I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
