Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
