toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
