I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
