i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A+ Viking dick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
