Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
