This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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