4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
