so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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