Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
