He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
