I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
