he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
