Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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