just tell him i said nine months
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
