So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
