I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
