it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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