I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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