He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
high people should be assigned attendants
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
