Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
