omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
