Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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