I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
