Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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