shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
