no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
