got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
