what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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