New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
