i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
