if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
