Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
