I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
