He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
