I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
