You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
