there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
