I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I enjoy the company of your penis
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