My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
