He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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