Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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