I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
