I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
