so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
