Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
