once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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