So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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