When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
