I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have started to decorate penises.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
