We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
there is glitter all over my balls
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
